Child bearing was meant to be an activity of the young, whose bodies are well developed and strong. Child raising was meant to be an activity of the elders, whose minds are well developed and strong. In your society you have insisted on making child- bearers responsible for child raising—with the result that you've made not only the process of parenting very difficult, but distorted many of the energies surrounding the sexual act as well as.
So adults have invented all manner of familial, cultural, religious, social, and economic pressures, restrictions, and limitations to justify their unnatural demands of their offspring. Children have thus grown to accept that their own sexuality is unnatural.How can anything that is "natural" be so shamed, so always-stopped, so controlled, held at bay, restrained, bridled, and denied?
Neale: Well, I think You're exaggerating a bit here. Don't You think You're exaggerating?
Really? What do you think is the impact on a four- or five-year-old child when parents won't even use the correct name for certain of their body parts? What are you telling the child about your level of comfort with that, and what you think theirs should be?
Yes ... "uh ..." indeed.
Neale: Well, "we just don't use those words," as my grammy used to say. It's just that "wee-wee" and "your bottom" sounds better.
Only because you have so much negative "baggage" attached to the actual names of these body parts that you can barely use the words in ordinary conversation.
At the youngest ages, of course, children don't know why parents feel this way, but merely are left with the impression, the often indelible impression, that certain body parts are "not okay," and that anything having to do with them is embarrassing—if not "wrong.
As children grow older and move into their teens, they may come to realize that this is not true, but then they are told in very clear terms about the connection between pregnancy and sexuality, and about how they will have to raise the children they create, and so they now have another reason for feeling that sexual expression is "wrong"—and the circle is complete.
What this has caused in your society is confusion and not a little havoc— which is always the result of fooling around with nature.
You have created sexual embarrassment, repression, and shame—which has led to sexual inhibition, dysfunction, and violence.
You will, as a society, always be inhibited about that over which you are embarrassed; always be dysfunctional with behaviors which have been repressed, and always act out violently in protest of being made to feel shame about that over which you know in your heart you should never have felt shame at all.
Neale: Then Freud was on to something when he said that a huge amount of the anger in the human species might be sexually related—deep-seated rage over having to repress basic and natural physical instincts, interests, and urges.
More than one of your psychiatrists has ventured as much. The human being is angry because it knows it should feel no shame over something that feels so good— and yet it does feel shame, and guilt.
First, the human becomes angry with the Self for feeling so good about something which is supposed to be so obviously "bad."
Then, when they finally realize they've been duped—that sexuality is supposed to be a wonderful, honorable, glorious part of the human experience—they become angry with others: parents, for repressing them, religion for shaming them, members of the opposite sex for daring them, the whole society for controlling them.
Finally, they become angry with themselves, for allowing all of this to inhibit them.
Much of this repressed anger has been channeled into the construction of distorted and misguided moral values in the society in which you now live—a society which glorifies and honors, with monuments, statues, and commemorative stamps, films, pictures, and TV programs, some of the world's ugliest acts of violence, but hides— or worse yet, cheapens—some of the world's most beautiful acts of love.
And all of this—all of this—has emerged from a single thought: that those who bear children, bear also the sole responsibility for raising them.